Belle of the Ball

Mornings at our house are full of entertainment. As the baby awakes bright and early at 6:30 a.m. we can already hear the kids playing together upstairs, awaiting us to catch up with them. After Coco is done eating and starting her morning coos (we discovered more dimples this morning, BTW), her older siblings amble in one by one and eventually surround their little sister on our bed. Surrounding their favorite nucleus, they gleefully hover over her with electric excitement.

Fortunately Coco’s neck is pretty strong, and allows for her to look back and forth, back and forth, as each sibling competes for her adoration and well-earned grin. Meanwhile, she holds the finger of one of them in each hand and basks in all the attention. I mean, who could resist?

Lately this whole scene has been accompanied by its own soundtrack. Sassy loves to sing (in her sweetest little voice replete with cracking), “I love you baby, I love you baby, I love you baa—bee soo much!”

Meanwhile, the Big-O croons, “Hello baby, hello baby. We love you sooo—“

Bitty’s version repeats, “I love you, baby. You’re so cute—baby, baby, baby, ohhh!”

Sometimes all these tunes are delivered simultaneously, which at first might seem overwhelming for a newborn. Gleefully however, Coco identifies with the happy noise. After all, it symbolizes all the sweetest cacophony of childhood.

God's Pencil

For I was hungred and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
-- St. Matthew 25:35-36, 40

Today I feel restless. Incredibly restless. And I feel the need to talk about why.

I know that many of you probably feel like you’ve reached your threshold in hearing about the tragedy in Haiti. . . It’s tough, tough stuff.

For those of you who don’t know me as well, I have a bit of history with the place. During my last year in law school I actually volunteered for a nonprofit that had built an orphanage there, and was assisting them in trying to streamline adoption procedures, as well as begin efforts to possibly build an orphanage and/or facilitate adoptions in China. During this time, Pearly-Q and I were childless and infertile. Not knowing what to do, we thought we would prepare to adopt from either Haiti or China. Subsequently, I was scheduled to fly to Port-au-Prince in order to meet with some of their adoption officials, as well as visit the foundation’s orphanage. Unfortunately, because of civil unrest (practically a way of life for the Haitians), we had to cancel the trip 24 hrs ahead of time.

This devastated me. After years of wanting a baby, I sat in church and wept, knowing that at that moment I could have been in the Haitian orphanage, feeling out whether or not I felt a real connection with any of those children. I knew that if I did, I would then begin down the path to desired motherhood. At that moment I offered one of the most intense, anguished prayers of my life, and pled for the opportunity to be a mother. Little did I know that that very night the Big-O would be born, and that awaiting me within just a day or two I would experience the greatest miracle of my life—when someone would approach me about a beautiful baby boy, and would I be interested . . .? But, that is a different story for a different day.

The point is, I care deeply for the Haitians and their heartbreak. Long before this earthquake hit it was already considered the 2nd poorest nation in the world (Afghanistan being the poorest). So, when I heard about the quake in Port-au-Prince, I shook my head in shocked disbelief—of all the places! It is simply too much to bear.

Since then, Pearly-Q and I have known that we wanted to donate—but where? Having worked with a nonprofit long enough taught me the importance of making sure your dollars go places where they’ll actually make a difference. Not every nonprofit is created equally, and not all their contacts on the ground are reliable—especially in Haiti. The corruption there would make the heads of the Italian mafia spin, and as a result I felt some reserve in giving just any ol’ place. Pearly-Q's company offered to match donations made to the Red Cross, which is awesome. But, I still, for whatever reason felt resistance or difficulty in making the donation there. I didn’t know why, and I had started to feel badly about it.

“Have I become totally callous to the needs of others?” I thought this morning. “Have I forgotten what I have been incredibly blessed with, and have become stingy unfeeling? What is wrong with me, Heavenly Father?”

Then, I got my answer, and it makes me cry to think about it now.

When I went to pick up the Sass from dance class, I noticed people dropping off boxes at a neighboring business, full of all sorts of odd and ends medical supplies and clothing. And then I saw the sign: Healing Hands for Haiti. In all my previous research and work with Haiti, I had heard about this organization before. They provide physical medical help and rehabilitation assistance there in the capital, particularly for those who are disabled. Curious, I went in to ask specifically what was going on with the donations, what the needs were, and how I could help.

Apparently the large medical facility run by Healing Hands, completely collapsed with the earthquake. As a result, the group has been unable to function. Fortunately, the group that I ran into this morning, (the Utah Hospital Task Force), was gathering medical supplies and other items to put on a chartered plane to Port-au-Prince tomorrow, along with 50 construction personnel, 50 doctors, as well as other nurses and medical staff. They will be there for a month while they work to completely rebuild the hospital and get Healing Hands of Haiti back up and running.

Now, if you’re wondering whether or not this is a major need right now in Haiti, read this article off of today’s CNN. It will blow your mind to think of what the Haitians are medically facing right now, and how ill-equipped many of these doctors are who are trying to go down there to help. The need for a decent facility in addition to the medical staff cannot be overestimated. Providentially, in this case the group organizing this effort is incredibly well prepared, and have reliable contacts on the ground with whom they are closely working with . . .

Let’s just say that I found where our money needs to go, and I am once again overwhelmed by God’s awareness of our desires and needs, as well as His ability to communicate that when we sincerely ask. Being led in this way feels beautiful, and it reminds me of something Mother Teresa was known to say:

I am God's pencil. A tiny bit of pencil with which He writes what He likes. God writes through us, and however imperfect instruments we may be, He writes beautifully.

I would never presume to put myself up there with Mother Teresa. The woman was distinguished as a saint for good reason. But, today I can identify with her sentiment. There is nothing more exhilarating that being led by God. The times I have felt that in my life have been the times I have been the most serenely happy. And though right now I come nowhere close to being able to act as His pencil, I hope that perhaps I could at least work as a thumbtack. That would be good enough for me.


Note: For those of you who might be interested in donating to this project, you can do so online, and the gov't will allow you to do so and deduct it off of your 2009 tax return. If you choose to do so, make sure that you follow the directions outlined on the Utah Hospital Task Force website in designating that it goes to their particular group. You'll see what I'm talking about when you get on there. It's an extremely worthy place to send your aid. All donations will go to cover the expenses of the chartered plane, the rebuilding of the medical facility, and basic food/water needs of the volunteers--just what is required to keep this massive project moving forward.